gm! I hope you had a good nights sleep and feel rejuvenated.

I thought I’d share a passage from Meditations, written by one of the most powerful figures in all of history, Marcus Aeurelius.

“The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes on the color of your thoughts.”

New community

Let me paint a picture for you of a beautiful society:

This society has made big technological and cultural advances in the past century. Global life expectancy has doubled, extreme poverty in the world has decreased from 8 in 10 people to 1 in 10. The people of this society have private robots that can take them anywhere within 50 miles within 30 minutes, and they have other smaller robots that entertain and connect people through flashing screens. They eat whatever foods they want at any time of the year.

But, they have also lost some things.

They are lonely.

Many people move from their home towns to different cities or states that resonate with their aspirations, personalities, and careers, so they don’t see their family or old friends as often as they used to.

Others live in places where it takes a lot of effort, planning, and coordination of schedules and transportation robots to see family or friends, so catching up just happens less often than they would like.

I am, of course, talking about the people of Pluto.

Just kidding obvi it’s us.

The salve to the loneliness epidemic

ikyk about the loneliness epidemic, so I won’t harp on it, but I can’t help but notice all the different ways I see it manifesting in my life, my loved ones’ lives and at a larger scale.

Is it a pure coincidence, then, that web3 (aka blockchain) and web2 (the “normal” internet that we all use every day) tech have started to use the word “community” when describing their ecosystems and users?

Many products use the word “community” but what they really mean is “this is a way that I can increase the stickiness of my product to my users.”

Even if users are getting real value out of being part of a community, it can be a little disingenuous to use the word “community” when you really mean “users” or “consumers”.

However, I totally recognize that the lines are super blurred on this and are on a case by case basis. There are some brands that I personally like to identify with as a consumer, and as a product person there are software products that I’ve built with real communities in them.

It really comes down to how each person relates to the product/community/whatever and what they need in that moment, and I’m not here to judge that.

I’m just saying that it takes a lot of self reflection and energy for people to make these conscious decisions for all the tech and non-tech products that they interact with in a day (looking at you, Vuori-wearers).

I am also of the humble opinion that, for the majority of humans, digital and commercialized communities should be secondary and supplementary to our IRL communities, but the average person won’t be able to resist the societal and technological bias towards these digital and commercialized communities.

As a result, those people will become increasingly lonely.

Digital and commercialized communities are fundamentally different from IRL communities because someone (often times a third party) is directly and monetarily profiting from you spending time on their app, and will leverage the interaction to get your attention in other ways.

Imagine you’re meeting up at a bar to hang out with the friend. The bar is profiting from you guys buying drinks, but once you leave the bar you go home. Alternatively, imagine if you and your friend got up to leave the bar but the hallway to the door just kept getting longer, and suddenly taking twists and turns.

You know what you need

As someone who’s moved a lot, a lot of people who are important to me don’t live nearby me anymore. These are relationships that I treasure and prioritize, but I still need a solid base of IRL relationships to keep my mental health strong and well nourished.

If you are one of the few who are truly happier with online connections being your primary source of relationships, I’m not talking about you. You know yourself best. Go forth and prosper.

I’m talking about people who belong to some communities but still feel lonely at times (ahem, most of us). You can have a lot of quality friendships and still be lonely. Maybe you live alone, maybe you need more socialization time, maybe it’s something else.

And let me just say, there is nothing wrong with you and it’s not your fault. Sometimes it’s just a lot easier to build online communities than it is in person communities.

But you do have the power to design a life that is fulfilling to your needs, if you’re up for it.

Strengthening our IRL communities

This section isn’t going to blow your mind. You already know how to do it, but it’s worth taking simple concepts seriously.

New meaning-making is already happening all around us. The world is regenerative if you seek opportunities for it.

1. Prioritize the people you already know

Who are the names of the people who would be there for you if shit went down?

Whoever they are, give them a call or hang out with them if you can. Make it a priority if they’re important to you.

This one’s obvious but our days get busy, we forget, and it gets away from us. I have a monthly reminder to text or call my friends on my calendar and it’s made a big difference.

2. Go phygital

When I moved to Denver, I used Bumble BFF to make new, in-person friendships. I’m super close with those gals today.

If it’s hard for you to make new friends or approach a stranger, look for tools that can help you make those obstacles just a wee bit easier.

3. Live by your friends

This is a very tactical and helpful article about how one woman convinced 22 of her friends to move into her neighborhood!! 

I even found this site that alerts you on rental or sale listings that are within a 5 min walk from your friend’s house.

4. Get to know your neighborhood

Prioritize living in walkable communities/neighborhoods over ones that require driving everywhere (I’m moving next year to a walkable neighborhood because it’s that important to me).

Spend time in public spaces. Find a community garden, join a pottery class, get to know the names of the people at your local coffee shop.

5. Curate & prioritize communities ruthlessly

Be wary of what communities you join, and reflect on what you think that community will give you.

Why do you want to be a part of it? Is it what you truly want, or are you acting out of FOMO? You are def allowed to experiment and change your mind.

If someone stands to profit from you joining their community, understand that and don’t be afraid to let it go if it’s not serving you anymore.

6. Share your home

In parts of Asia and Europe, it’s really common to have multi-generational homes. I 100% get that most of us don’t want our parents moving into our homes, but it is worth thinking about if you’re curious about it.

I’ve even found unusual cases (becoming more popular) of communal parenting.

tl;dr

You’re amazing, and your life is yours to design. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. ✨ 

Photo of the day

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Until next time,

Ally

✌️